As you may have read on a number of our communications that we have sent over the past few months there has been an ongoing shortage of qualified referees throughout Chicago willing to coach youth soccer games this Fall. This has been largely due to the reluctance of young players to take up refereeing long term due to verbal abuse that many have to deal with at youth soccer games on a weekly basis. From speaking with other clubs our Edge parents have a relatively good reputation in terms of conduct throughout Chicagoland but we should always strive to get better.
Although we send a number of players to collegiate soccer each year, even with the large numbers we have in our club the chances of your son/daughter playing in college is relatively small. The chances of them receiving money on a soccer scholarship is even smaller and the chances of turning professional smaller still, almost miniscule. With these odds, we have to focus on teaching our young players life lessons that they can keep with them beyond their soccer playing years into adulthood. Lessons such as good sportsmanship, cooperation, commitment, focus, discipline, dealing with adversity and the pressure of competition are just a few of the important takeaways from a youth soccer experience that are applicable to any work environment.
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| Changing the Game by John O'Sullivan |
I read Changing the Game by John O Sullivan over the holidays. It is an excellent book which bills itself as a parents guide to raising happy, high performing athletes. It is filled with the latest research on the subject and I found it very useful from a coaches perspective in terms of the roles and responsibilities of the parent, coach, child dynamic. He offers a number of great insights into the subject including a list of behaviours that I thought could be useful for our parents to know. So taken from the book, below is the list of ‘8 Ways to be a Great Sporting Parent.”
1. Model Positive Behaviours
Be a positive role model for your child. Sport should be an extension of your familial values and behaviours, not a suspension thereof. Don’t talk badly about the competition or the coach/referee. Its OK to appreciate the athletic skill of a competitor.
2. See the future, but enjoy the present.
Are you consistently looking towards the next level, the next team, the next season? If you are, you’re missing out on the most important game, the one being played today! If you’re not enjoying the present moment, your child will grow up before you realize it.
Leave them alone in the ride home from games, take your child to the field and let them teach you something.
3. Encourage risk taking and find joy in the effort
Competing leads to winning and losing, thus competing is inherently risky. Don’t downplay the importance and challenge of risk taking by saying “Great job out there, maybe you’ll get it next time.” That’s vague encouragement and not helpful to an athlete’s development. Instead say “I love how you really went for it out there on that one play. You didn’t get it, but I was so proud that you didn’t give up!” Strong, specific words of encouragement remind an athlete it’s okay to take a risk and fail so long as she did all she could to be successful.
4. Celebrate the competitor above the winner
The difference between losing and getting beat is in the effort expended during competition. A competitor never loses; they get beat, and getting beat fuels the competitor to improve. In every game, there is a winner and a loser. Defeat can be the seed of discontent your athlete needs to be motivated to work harder and smarter next time.
5. Foster independence by allowing your athlete to take control
Believe it or not, by taking a step back, you give your child the room to step forward and claim the sport for herself. An elite athlete experiences enough pressure to perform well from his teammates, the coaching staff, and from himself. He doesn’t need the added pressure of an overzealous parent with good intentions! Allowing and fostering independence is critical. There’s no escaping the mean, evil-spirited opinions, the rude comments, and the difficult situations that will confront an athlete.
6. Treat the coach as an ally, not an adversary
If you treat the coach as an adversary, how do you think your athlete will treat him? You and the coach want the same thing: for your athlete to be successful (though you might see different paths to making that happen). Once you know that the coach values your child not just as an athlete, but as a person, then step back and let him or her coach. You won’t always agree with every decision, and your child may struggle at times, but instead of saying “what’s wrong with this” try “what’s good about this?” There is always learning to be had if you look close enough.
7. Encourage academics
Eventually, all athletes have to one day turn in their jersey and find a new passion. Very few elite athletes play beyond college and an infinitesimal number make decent money playing professionally. An education is not a backup plan if athletics doesn’t work out: it is the foundation from which your athlete will build a life upon, athletics or not.
8. Just love watching your kids play
Sports goes by way too quickly, so enjoy every moment. Do so by simply saying “I love watching you play.”
If you have given your best, and you can say to yourself “I have done what I can while maintaining sanity, health and the well being of my family and relationships,” then by all means you are a successful sports parent.
Simply take a step back, let the athletic journey belong to your child, and give your best effort. Just do your best, and have fun doing it.
Not only will your kids notice it, they will love you for it! And that is the ultimate reflection of success.
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